Freedom v. Discipline

I am perpetually torn between the two. Where do I draw the line before I drive myself to insanity?

Self-inflicted unemployment is a double edged sword. It’s been 4 months of juggling and limbo. I stopped blogging and giving my weekly updates, I needed to be a recluse for a while. Recently I have been facing the boundaries of being an idealist in an ego fueled, materialist world. If I keep charging forward so blindly on the account that all people are good, I will only break my wings. Not everyone is receptive to genuine emotion. I am exhausted. 

Upon revisiting the RSA Animate video on Time perspectives, I know this is the root of my anxiety…Living free in the Hedonistic sense is all very well. However I care too much about the future. Not just my future, but the future of our planet and mankind. Hence, discipline kicks in and guilt. I must delay gratification in order to harvest that sustainable pleasure which only comes from following the heart’s true passions. 

As we grow, we shed our shells and morph into more realized beings. My exposed flesh is vulnerable. I better seek protection as I find my next suitable body of armor. 

-L.L.

@1 year ago with 1 note